2 Days @ Dragon Con = Lifetime of Memories.

There's a weird stereotype that floats around about the people in the south having a slower lifestyle, but I just sat down, slumped in the couch, sorted through about 500 photos, and stared blankly at the TV as Robert Osbourne introduced "The Karate Kid" on TCM, where he described Ralph Macchio as a "high schooler who has to learn some "karate chops" from his old asian janitor who has a liking for collecting cars", and I feel SO much slower right now than anything i witnessed in the last 48 hours in Atlanta, GA. Because from what I can tell, whether it was the 50,000 people wearing the same colored t-shirts, transforming downtown into a giant tailgate party for their college football game, or the bars overflowing with jeweled-out 3-6-Mafia dopplegangers and bowel-shaking basslines, or the 600 stormtroopers wrestling with Steampunk Jawas in front of the Marriot, it was obvious that people from the south just like to rage. Fast, long, and hard. And that ruled.

As i had said before, I have always wanted to go to Dragon-Con as a fan of everything nerdy, but because of it being so far away, I never really had the chance. But HOLY SHIT, after only spending 2 days there just now, i have to warn you, if you become a part of my life in any significant way, and try to stop me from going back every year, i'm cutting you off!

The first time I went to the San Diego Comic Con, back in 1999, I had this same feeling. Completely caught by surprise, unexpectedly overflowing with blood of excitement from entering a brand new parallel universe filled with living versions of things loved but had only previously seen in 2-dimensions. But, over the years, as Comic Con grew, and became over-saturated with the general public just wanting to see what was going on, and corporations hosting private parties and hiking up prices and blah blah blah, now Comic Con is simply a place to see some friends once a year (if you are lucky enough to even cross paths with them) and the feeling i get, as a fan, isn't the same as it used to be. Because of that, I kind of lost a little excitement about going to conventions. I mean, if the biggest genre convention in the world was giving me a headache...

Enter Dragon Con 2009.
And enter me being a 12-year old again.
I know, realistically, i will never experience this same, unexpected feeling again, even when I go back next year. But regardless, that old, circa-1999 Comic Con feeling rushed back into me like the ebola virus this past weekend, and I couldn't be happier.

THE GOOD about Dragon-Con:
* EVERY person that attends is a genuine fan of something there. there is NO ONE who "just wants to see" what's going on as doesn't want to "be caught" going there.

* 90% of the people dressing up MAKE their own costumes. Fuck that store-bought shit, they spend all year making costumes that rival any of the things they are replicating.

* Most of the people in costumes aren't even dressed up as something that EXISTS in pop-culture anywhere. Instead, they just make some shit up, give themselves a story, and roam around like they own the world.
ME: "Oh cool, Boba Fett, but like...why are you wearing a crown and have a zombie-hand and a sword?"
BF: "Because I'm not Boba Fett, I am simply a Mandalorian named Brattin Fott who has discovered time travel and teleportation and have traveled many lands to earn the title of King. Oh, and one time I died in Europe so I had to be resurrected but the resurrection spell kinda failed so my hand stayed decomposed."
ME: "I love you."

* There are no "convention center" rules and regulations. No security guards telling people to grow up. The hotels that host the event just LET YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. And EVERY person there drinks and rages and parties-out their frustrations. The closest term i can use to describe Dragon Con would simply be "Nerdi Gras". I mean, shit, there was a stormtrooper playing bagpipes, I watched the Big Daddy from Bioshock fall over into a vase and break it while his Little Sister held his giant drill-hand, we saw a Chewbacca with angel wings puking in the hotel fountain, i saw Morgana from Darkstalkers get fingered on an escalator, my friend Kiersten was basically raped by 2 aliens on ecstasy but it looked like the most fun rape ever. So yah, that shit ruled.

* And, unlike comic con, i DID actually get to see and hang with old friends and had a chance to make new ones, and meet new people and artists that I couldn't even get close to before at Comic Con. It was intensely inspiring.

THE BAD:
*nothing.

So, without any further banter, here are some of the more decent photos from my 2 days the event. Unfortunately, out of over 500 pictures, my excitement level was obviously apparent because most of them were blurry as fuck. But my memories are CRYSTAL...
Enjoy.






The ZEROFRIENDS crew in our hotel room, a few hours before the con, AKA the night before my mind was blown. From Left to right: Kiki, Sean Leopard, Darren, Meggie, covered with a ME blanket.




The night consisted of an intense Connect 4 tourney, which Darren from Zerofriends dominated. But i came in a close LAST.







"NOW," says this guy-thing, "time for COOONNNNN.....babay."




Look closely...is that me and 2 dudes in "Dumb & Dumber" costumes? NO! It's me and ONE dude in a Jim Carrey costume and a CARDBOARD CUTOUT in the middle. seriously, how perfect is this shit? Its cardboard! I let dude join Cardboard City as the ambassador, as it only seemed right.




Sean Leopard, who politely "assed" her if he could take a photo with her.




STEAM PUNK ROCK with myself and the lovely miss Tara McPherson.




Chris Ryniak and I with our great old friends at TOYBREAK, who recently did a cool review of my Walrus Rider Toy on their show!




At the Zerofriends booth.




Signing some Homesick books.




Bio-Sheezy




I got lost in this dudes outfit for like 24 minutes, but upon my escape, he let me take a photo with him. We may or may not have totally hooked up later.






Decorated (or ruined) some clothing and accessories for fans.




OK, so, this chick, whose name was PERRY, claimed to be named after her Grandfather, Raymond Burr, who played PERRY MASON in that show...umm...PERRY MASON back in the early 60's. Perry Mason was my Mom's favorite show, and she even watched all of the reruns nonstop when I was growing up. So i wanted to impress my mom and take a picture with this girl and show it to my Mom. Turns out though (I usually research the shit out of things before i blog because of cases like this), that PERRY MASON WAS GAY, never had any kids! Hence, no grandkids. I feel scammed. Even though she DOES look just like him circa the 60's. I'm sorry Mom, maybe next time.




Head-crab FTW.




Meggels can't believe that Darren is pretending to be in college.




Myself and Friend/Art/rock/Earth-Goddess Tara McPherson, who we were lucky enough to get a booth next to and chill with amongst the chaos. If you aren't familiar with Tara's work, you should check out her WEBSITE HERE. Tara has been KILLING it around the world with posters, comics, paintings, installations, and just overall good vibes, and her art is as mesmerizing. She got the cover of the Dragon Con program too! word!



One of my few purchases, in fact (i had to fly home so i couldnt buy a bunch of stuff but oh well...next time!) was this print from Tara, which i love to death.



Oh my DOG!




I also got a chance to chill with rad illustrator/DJ Jim "Food One" Mahfood, who I have crossed paths with a few times, but never quite as "sexy and intimate" as at Dragon Con! I discovered Jim's art YEARS ago when he was doing the Clerks comics and became a huge fan when i read Stupid Comics and 40 oz comics a little while later. since then the dude hasn't stopped. Look for future collabs soon;) And check out his ART HERE. We traded goods and i got stocked up on some of his newer books that i missed. Thanks, homie.

PS, my laptop, though sitting on my thighs, is somehow making my neck sweat. gross.




Conquering the night with old pals/fellow lunatics Huck Gee, Carlos East, The Baroness (from Kid Robot), & Sket One.




This dude, artist Ben Lande, and his friend and artist Aaron Crawford were hanging out at the con, and he had a tattoo of my Urkel piece!




Typical crowd shot, but i kept wondering why Dr. Manhattan didn't just teleport everywhere. that foot traffic sucked. What a patient doctor.




FINALLY, A DRAGON AT DRAGON CON!




I scribbled on one of MAD's Cre8tive Peeple for a fan. Thought some saggy tits and some spider eyes would be cute.




From this high, all the nerds just looked like nerdy ants.




Sean The Leopard recited the entire plot of Chasing Amy while somehow simultaneously looking for a ring he dropped, resembling something that i can't quite put my finger on...




Conquering the mountain that is DJ Lil Greencard.




Smelling milk. The Leopard is blurry as fuck.




Please don't be mad, but i left this dude's card at my booth before i bounced, but this guy rules. He won my annual award for nerdiest tattoos on the (Middle) Earth! He had way more than this, but these are some of my favorites. so sick.



He also is a dope tattoo artist himself as he recently did this nerdy tattoo on his friend!



If you know his name, let me know, he deserves a plug.




Dinner at a fancy FRIED CHICKEN spot with the ZF crew. Yah, thats right, FANCY FRIED CHICKEN!




CHICKEN CHEERS!




The Leopard ran into this dude in the bathroom, who was crying that his WIFE JUST PUNCHED HIM IN THE EYE! Wife-fail, dude.




I spoke on a panel for the very first time, which focused on the current state and perception of "Lowbrow Art", alongside (from left) COLIN CHRISTIAN, TRAVIS LOUIE & CHRIS RYNIAK. The panel was a great first time experience. I was nervous at first, and very humbled by the sheer knowledge that Travis, Colin & Chris had not only on our genre of art, but on all types of art history in general. It was great listening to them and (hopefully) absorbing some lessons from them. Eventually I loosened up and allowed myself to talk about Werewolves having multiple dicks and my experiences without art school. Thanks to designer/artist MARK MURPHY for hosting the event and making me feel pretty comfortable for my first time. Though, even once i started getting a little comfortable, it was still a little scary knowing that artist Brandt Peters and Kathie Olivas were amongst the audience.




Me MAYBE knowing what i am talking about, but probably not.




I love "To Catch A Predator", so its only natural that I also love when The Predator catches me.




Myself and Chris Ryniak picking up applications to join the made-up Mandalorian army. I hope they accept my application. I'm gonna look ill as shit in that armor!

So, when the ZF dudes get back, I'm sure more photos will surface, but for now, I'm back to work, and I can only pass the time by remembering the good old days 2 days ago.Word.
xo, DragonCon, xo.

Lastly, because i feel you need some moving pictures in your life, here is a glimpse at the FUCKING ROAD WARRIOR PARADE that they had! YES, IM SERIOUS.

I am bursting into DRAGON CON in ATLANTA!

When I first heard about Dragon-Con years ago from my good friends at Rotten Cotton, I flipped out at the name alone. A convention full of Beastmaster-lovers, Orcs, Killer Clowns, and Girls in Frazetta-gear? Sign me up! Then when I found out that Rotten Cotton had more success and was more excited about Dragon Con than the San Diego Comic Con, I began to look into it. Then, around 2002, someone sent me a photo of someone dressed up as THE MAXX, in a huge super-legit costume, that they saw at Dragon Con. THAT'S the moment i knew that someday i had to venture over to Atlanta to go to it, whether it was just to go, or get a booth or whatever.
Well, 7 years later, I am finally getting a chance to go. Dragon-Con, from what I hear, is like the biggest Horror-Sci-Fi-Fantasy convention in the Eastern US, which means that it's like taking San Diego comic con, and removing all the shit i dont like from it, making a jelly-filled-donut of a good time! Needless to say I'm excited, as its AT LEAST an excuse to buy a new horror movie t-shirt that I will wear until it falls apart. Anyway, I think i am going to be a part of a panel on lowbrow art, along with some of my current favorite artists, Travis Louie & Chis Ryniak, on Saturday evening.

And I will be hanging around by the Zerofriends booth on both Friday and Saturday all day so come say hi to us and check out some new stuff;)



Oh, yah, Zerofriends is releasing this DRAGON-CON EXCLUSIVE new Limited Giclee print of my painting, "The Puppeteer & His Wife" at the show. Its a limited edition of 50 and it rules the school.

Check it:






BTW, here is the link to Dragon Con's website, but to be honest, its a little hard to navigate so I actually don't really know where in the convention the Zerofriends Booth will be, but i know for sure it is in the POP-ART section.
The convention takes place in 4 different hotels:



DRAGON CON

ATLANTA, GA

Sept 4 - 7



•Hilton Atlanta:

255 Courtland Street, NE

Atlanta, GA 30303



•Hyatt Regency Atlanta:

265 Peachtree Street NE

Atlanta, GA 30303



•Marriott Marquis Atlanta:

265 Peachtree Center Ave

Atlanta, GA 30303



•Sheraton Atlanta Hotel:

165 Courtland Street

Atlanta, GA 30303




And here is the info regarding the panel that I will be doing:




"LOWBROW LOWDOWN - The Future of Lowbrow": Baby Tattooville, Alex Pardee, Sas Christian, Colin christian, Travis Louie, Chris Ryniak, Warner, HC -- Saturday, September 5 - Time: 5:30 PM (Hanover F) / 1 hour .......... *****SPECIAL GUEST MODERATOR: Mark Murphy of Murphy design.



Hope to see you there:)
Last time I was in the ATL, for the Sparks x UP tour, I had a fucking blast. I love Atlanta. Food, here i come.

SECOND Official Opening for "FROLICKING NIGHTMARES" in Denver!

I am leaving for the big ATL tomorrow, but simultaneously, like Brendan Fraser tends to do every summer with movies, I am going to be in multiple places at once this weekend! Well, kinda.
As i nervously shake hands with horror and sci-fi fans (who hopefully will not Hellraiser themselves this time) in Atlanta, the good folks at ANDENKEN GALLERY in Denver are holding a second opening of my solo show, "Frolicking Nightmares." I will not be in attendance physically this time, but you can sure as hell bet that my sexy spirit will be hanging out with you if go check it out. If you missed the opening a few weeks ago, now's your chance to witness a 20-foot tall ghost boner and some good drinks and friends. So go hang;)

Here is the info:
"Frolicking Nightmares"
New works by ALEX PARDEE
Friday, Sept 4
7 PM - 12 AM
@ ANDENKEN GALLERY
990 Larimer Street
Denver, Colorado 80205
www.andenken.com







And just in case you wanted some info about the show, here is the interview that Dave Correia did with me prior to the opening last month. enjoy:)


CORREIA: So hopefully everyone that reads this will kinda know who you are and if not I don't really care because I'm a little drunk. So what are we here to talk about today?

ME: I just wanted to say a few words to let people know about my new solo 
show opening up at ANDENKEN GALLERY in Denver, CO on August 7, which I think is next Friday.

CORREIA: You THINK that? Or you know that?

ME: I actually know that. I didn't really want to sound like a know it all 
though.

CORREIA: Knowing the days of the week isn't really that impressive of a feat. But ok. Congratulations. So, you usually have a semi-thought out theme for your solo shows. What's the name and theme of this show, if any?

ME: My themes usually start out as just a retarded idea that I think would 
be a funny one time painting and then I get hung up on the idea and it 
just kind of expands itself. This case is no different. The name of 
the show is "Frolicking Nightmares: Portraits of Beasts Who Dwell in a 
SEXIER Dimension".

CORREIA:What do you mean by "a sexier dimension?"

ME: Well, I always thought it would be awesome to create monsters that 
someone like Prince would like.

CORREIA: So these are gay monsters then?

ME: I'm not sure, I guess you'd have to ask them, but regardless, one of the 
things I'm trying to convey is that there's a difference between being 
homosexual and being SEXY. Especially in a sexier dimension. It's cool to 
think that some huge demented closet-monster can come out of the 
closet and scare the shit out of a kid but remain sexy while doing so.

CORREIA: You just said the monsters would "come out of the closet"? So they ARE admittedly gay?

ME: Dude it doesn't matter. You can't tell just by looking at them. And 
who cares. They are sexy. Period.

CORREIA: I'm still a little confused. Is sexy supposed to be scary?

ME: No, sexy is sexy. But I guarantee even at their sexiest, these monsters 
will fuck you up. And plus, I think it's awesome to imagine the 
lives that monsters could have outside of scaring people. Most of them 
are probably male models, or at least they'd wanna be if the economy 
was better. Being a male model is a rad dream. That's pretty much what I wanted to explore when creating these paintings.







CORREIA: Alright, that's cool. So what can we expect to see at the show, other than your awkward face?

ME: I did a whole new series of these sexy beast paintings that will be on 
display, as well as some new black and white drawings, and a bunch of 
little paintings of my new friends, Taco, Muerte, Apple and the rest 
of the GHOST BONERS.

CORREIA: Umm ok, should I even ask what the Ghost Boners are?

ME: You can ask. But you don't seem to understand "sexy", so you probably 
won't get the whole boner thing.







CORREIA: Alright aside from the paintings, anything else available at the show?

ME: There's also going to be a new limited print release at the opening as 
well, which is the "En Vogue" image that you see on the web-flyer. (above). It's a pretty sexy image.

CORREIA: Cool man well I'm glad i'm not going but i wish you luck.

ME: Thanks man. Stay sexy.

Vintage photo & new "THE USED" album!

Hey yo.
As you may or may not know, I had worked with the band "The Used" for over 4 years on their last 3 album and DVD releases, and they continue to remain some of my best friends, despite me gaining weight and them traveling a TON;)
So, naturally I am very proud of them for the release of their brand new album, "ARTWORK", which comes out everywhere today! (cover shown above)

And though I didn't work with them on this release, it doesn't mean I am any less excited about it. "The Used", both as friends and as musicians, has collectively had a huge positive impact on my inspiration and my career path. And to celebrate the release, here is a never before seen picture of us, the very first day we met to discuss the "in love and death" album back in Feb of 2004.
So get out there and buy their new album tomorrow, or get it on itunes, or go listen to it on their website BY CLICKING HERE


Enjoy:)
And if you see the guys, tell them i love em.

Shia, Chadam, Sparks, Speed & Uncomfortableness, all in one place!

IT'S A VIDEO POST!!!!
Are you as pissed as I am that that shitface from VH-1 had to go kill himself and force VH-1 to take away all of my TV??
Well, to fill your void (maybe) I uploaded a few videos the other day, some you might have missed, some you might be tired of, but regardless, here they are! Enjoy.




Official trailer for "CHADAM", my animated series coming out eventually from WB & HD Films. Seriously, I know its been a while, but its coming out great;)





One of the best weeks of my life. Directing voice-talents like these people was insane. Good times. And Sid Haig is a hypnotherapist, which is rad.




A segment from the comedy series "The Jace Hall Show" (jacehall.tv) where i am interviewed by goofy intern Corey about my upcoming Warner Bros Animated series CHADAM.




Invaded the home of Shia Labeouf and ruined his walls with love and cake.




Me, Sam Flores & N8 Van Dyke went on a little painting tour around the US with Upper Playground & SPARKS. This was our first stop, where we sweat a lot.




One of my favorite timelapse vids, simply because of the fan, and because of Gary's cameo.

Until next time....

Every Time I Die, "WANDERLUST"

Yo, these guys are the homies! The song kills and Jordan's art coming to life in it makes me tingle with smiles. Check their new video for WANDERLUST.
word.
Every Time I Die - "Wanderlust"

Full Re-cap of the Seattle show, minus most of the blood;)

So, like the probable future of Robert Pattinson's career, my Seattle trip has come and gone in a flash. And though I previously have thought this in the 2 other times I have been to Seattle, I continue to stand by the fact that Seattle is one of the only other places outside of the Bay Area that I could see myself living and working. Its gorgeous, and (most) of the people are awesome.
The original plan for my Seattle appearance was to move my Portland show, "Self Portraits" up to Seattle for a second round. However, because almost all of the paintings actually sold out at the Portland show, I was left with very little to show and absolutely no time to produce a good amount of new work that wouldn't bum everyone out. So I decided to team up with my dudes who run Zerofriends, the clothing/art company that I co-own, and set up an entire Zerofriends experience, showing off a bunch of our prints, comic books, t-shirts, & some original art that was used for the clothing. On top of that, we carted up a shitload of Zerofriends merch and the kind folk at Upper Playground Seattle let us basically take over the store. That means we got to do things like get the mannequins naked, burn pillows and throw away original paintings by Nate Van Dyke and Sam Flores cuz they were IN MY WAY! :)
So myself, Sean "Leopard", Darren & the whole UP SEA crew spent a good part of Friday resetting up the store and filling it with Zerofriends stuff. It was a really cool feeling to actually have our stuff on display like that in a proper setting and it's exciting to think that we are going to be doing more of that in the future (shhhhh, thats kinda secret tho). And then I got to spend the night, from like 6pm to midnight, just meeting fans and drawing for folks and chatting about art, demons, school, swords, Alaska, and narcolepsy. It was non-stop and awesome. And though i normally don't like doing this because of the pressure of the situation and the permanence of it, but a REALLY REALLY sweet girl named Kayla asked me to draw on her back and she was going to get it tattooed the next day, and her mom was there who insisted it was alright, so I did it. Can't wait to see the tattoo if she gets it. I think she said she had to hide it from her Dad, though, so good luck, Kayla, i drew it kinda big;)
Anyway, here is a visual run-down of the event. My camera died toward the end of the night, so I don't have any pics of the after-show shindig where I ate mac-n cheese, put make-up on Sean, got my signature psycho-analyzed by old friend and illustrator Kyle Kesterson, chilled with a beautiful narcoleptic, and ran into the homies Reyes & Steel (MSK), who happen to be up in Seattle opening a new GOORIN BROS. retail store up there by Upper Playground. If youre up there you should check out that spot soon, i think they are painting the whole inside. So check the adventures below, next up is Dragon-Con in ATLANTA in about a week! See you there, dirty south!





Sean "Leopard" & Darren Scott, of Zerofriends, starting the setup.





Doing what i do best: Being confused and unprepared.





Meeting the store's security guard, who was actually USELESS! (see below)





Starting to overrun the store.















Sean "Leopard" doing his best E.T. impression.



Before the show started, we got a really quick chance to look around Seattle a little, where I stumbled upon these 2 things that made my insides happy:




A gigantic TROLL under the bridge that I am convinced SKINNER built in his formal life, as you can see the comparison.




And THIS THRIFT STORE, which was unfortunately closed, which meant that I came home UNICORN-VELVET-PAINTINGLESS.





Show about to start. The calm before the blood-storm.





First in line: A super young artist named Zinn who ruled the school, along with his father. He was rad. Well, they were BOTH rad.















To read about what is actually going on in the photo, go to my previous blog here: http://eyesuckink.blogspot.com





Sam Wallis being way too close the evidence as part of the clean-up crew.




Attention, clean-up in aisle EVERYWHERE.










Sean, Me, Darren and the worst security guard in history.





Afterparty dinner with the UP SEA Crew.





That night, Sean Leopard was tuckered out, and continued his day of imitating things by imitating my favorite ancient mummy photo.

Overall, awesome trip. Thank you Seattle. Even you, crazy-pants.
See you again soon. I need to learn more about narcalepsy.

To clarify the "incident" at my Seattle signing. NSFW!

Warning: PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH OR WILL HATE ME FOR NOT WARNING YOU THAT THIS POST CONTAINS BLOOD AND GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF VIOLENCE. NOT VIOLINS. VIOLENCE. NSFW. For reals.

The signing at Upper Playground & 5024SEA in Seattle was going great. From the beginning, There was a steady line of old fans, art collectors, local kids and fresh faces that all waited patiently for me to chat with everyone, draw everyone sketches and let me ramble nervously about why I draw naked dudes with spider arms and happy faces.
About 2 hours into the signing, as I was drawing something (probably a weird worm with wings and a boner or something) for a local husband & wife, I noticed toward the back of the line stood an awkwardly tall man with an even larger presence thanks to his sloppy and spiked mowhawk, resembling a gutter-punk version of Lurch from the Addams Family.
I didn't think twice.





(The first appearance of Lurch, in the gray hoodie)



20 minutes later, as he moves closer in line, I notice he has a large safety pin piercing the bridge of his nose/eyebrow region.
Once again, I didn't think twice about it.
Another 20 minutes go by, and he is now standing only a few people away. I then notice that the safety pin that is jabbed through his brow is freshly infected. We make eye contact and he grins at me like a wide-eyed car salesman.
While drawing and chatting with a group of 3 Seattle skaters, I now notice that there is an older gentlemen in his early 50’s next to Lurch wearing an old Andy Warhol t-shirt and a hand painted sport coat, looking simultaneously artsy and friendly. And he also appears to actually be there WITH Lurch. After 2 more people come and go, Lurch and Warhol start walking up side by side, but Warhol succumbs, steps aside and lets Lurch approach me first.

Lurch’s demeanor, though he said nothing, was that of a street magician. A shit-eating, soulless grin adorned his face, his eyebrows arched in the spirit of a mime about to show me a fake flower. I glance to my left. And Warhol is standing aside patiently, looking at both Lurch and I with a similar grin, or perhaps that of a proud father.

As with every other person that stood in line, I put my right hand out and said "It's nice to meet you, thanks for coming out, what's your name?" Lurch said nothing, but shook my hand limply while his grin, though now weakened, was still twisted across his face like a hand-drawn roadmap. I let go of his hand, and in true street-mime form, he produced a dirty, 3-inch razor blade from his left hand and showed it to me as the lights from the gallery caught the one spot on it that wasn't filthy. It sparkled for an instant, mimicking every cheesy Photoshop lens flare. I glanced to my left once again and still, Warhol was standing with the same anticipation as I was.
"Ok, I'm game," I thought to myself, "you and this Warhol dude are going to show me a trick or something like some lame Criss Angel shit. Ok, cool."
Unbeknownst to me, however, there was no trick. The exact words escape me because of what followed instantly after, but he said something along these lines in a mixture of both excited yet calming tones:

"I've been waiting to show you something amazing".

Within 3 seconds, Lurch rolled up his stained black t-shirt, exposing the lower half of his torso, placed his left hand with the razor blade over the right side of his speckled and girlish beer belly, stared through my eyes, pushed in the blade almost the entire 3 inches, and gracefully sliced it horizontally across his stomach almost the entire length of his torso. There was no blood at all. The skin, tissue, and 2 inches of fat, however, separated from itself as if a tiny Moses had been living in this dude’s beer gut and the razor commanded Moses to part his red skin. Still, no blood.
"You see??!" Lurch said, in a tone reminiscent of Francis Dollarhyde’s 
from “Red Dragon”.
I was confused.
"You see how it separates?!” Lurch continued. “You see how beautiful it can be?"
I was still bewildered, but overwhelmed with both curiosity and amazement. “Shit,” I thought, “I always figured Criss Angel was a fucking hack but if this is what it looks like in person than holy shit I retract my statements.” I wanted to see him finish the trick!
"Yah man, that's pretty crazy", I said, surprisingly calm, not horrified or scared in the least.
"That's not all. It works here too."
He then practically teleported the razor to his right hand, rolled up his left sleeve and dug even deeper into his wrist, slashing violently twice, carving a lanky number "11" along a 40 degree slant on his entire forearm. Immediately upon this action, the blood-race was on. Almost to the exact millisecond, his blood began hastily oozing out of all 3 wounds simultaneously, as his stomach incision caught up with his wrist, which was much more immediate. Lurch’s grin was permanent and he looked at me for approval, like an obedient Labrador with a fresh dead mallard in his mouth. 3 things flashed in my head at that moment. #1: The scene in Nightbreed where the crazy bum slices his face off in front of the doctor. #2: Edwin Neal’s hitchhiker character in the original Texas Chainsaw. This guy is a fucking nutbag. And lastly #3: Why was no one around me freaking out? Why was no one tackling him or yelling. Granted, Lurch was facing me and no one else, with the exception of Warhol could have fully experienced it, but clearly everyone else could easily tell what was going on as blood pooled on the floor. And because that #3 thought entered my head, and because of the sheer ridiculousness of what had just occurred, I did something that I kind of hate myself for.






I’m overcritical of clichés in movies. Especially in horror movies. Overused clichés, especially ones that I am convinced NO HUMAN WOULD DO, ruin good horror movies for me. My most hated cliché? Easy. The one where the group gets separated in a crisis situation and then strange noises or lights or voices surround the lone straggler, and their reaction is "C'mon, this isn't funny. You better stop joking around." As if ANY actual friend of theirs would be so diabolically evil as to choose a severe time of crisis to pull a practical joke on them in the dark. No, no ones ever joking, you asshole, there's a fucking killer on the loose and they are going to kill you.
Well, I now officially hate myself for the simple fact that I have to back track on my previous statement regarding that cliché. Because whether it was a defensive reaction, adrenaline, or shock as to what the fuck I just watched occur 12-inches away from me.... I clichéd. I looked at Warhol and said out loud,"Dude this isn't funny, this joke needs to stop, it's fucked up." I continued to treat it as a joke, and pulled out my iPhone and camera and began taking photos, all the while saying, to no one in particular, "C'mon guys, where's the punchline, what's the joke? I don't really get it". While posing for photos that I made a horrified onlooker take, a bleeding Lurch was muttering things under his breath, and I, still joking, reacted to his mutterings by saying "Are you fucking CURSING me, man? Awesome."









When I made eye contact again with Warhol, though, I saw he was genuinely horrified. He was stiff with shock and backed up to the wall. I then realized the reason no one was doing anything was because, in all honesty, what the fuck ARE you supposed to do with a possibly Hep-C infected 7-foot monster who just sliced open his midsection and is waiting to die at the feet of whoever is standing there?

I snapped out of my shell-shocked goofy mode and, as calmly as I could, mentioned to Lurch that he should leave. At this point, finally, one of the guys in line that caught on to what was going on, ran to the front of the store to get help, and within an instant, Jay, Lil’ Jen, Jeff, Sam, Watson, and the rest of the Upper Playground staff had somehow managed to not only block off the entire blood soaked floor and table, but escorted Lurch out of the building without getting blood or AIDS on any of the other people still brave enough to hang around. I stood there, alongside Sean from Zerofriends and Warhol, staring out into the crowd of onlookers, with an empty, confused stare and a dopey sarcastic half grin that Punky Brewster would be proud of, and said, “Well, It’s not the WIERDEST date I’ve been on.”
Ten minutes later the room was disinfected, the table was removed, and the area was blocked off and we moved into the store sales-floor and I continued drawing and meeting people and the remainder of the night was a lot more intimate and relaxed, all things considered. I mean, everyone who I met after that was there for the incident, so we all had some kind of bond to chat about as I was drawing and talking to them. Especially Warhol, who turned out to be a really well-respected local Seattle installation artist who just happened to be standing in line next to him. We laughed as I accused him of being Lurch’s “handler” the whole time.




Warhol (look at that O.G. shirt!) and Lil' Jen, the manager of Upper Playground Seattle.



Having to jump back into “drawing” and social mode so hastily was a little weird, but it at least distracted me from freaking out over everything that COULD have happened, and how I SHOULD have reacted to the situation. I have never seen anything like that happen in that sort of setting, and it was surreal to say the least. In turn, I acted surreally.

I don’t think the dude was a fan of mine, and I doubt he even knew who or what I was there for. I simply think he was just some mentally fucked guy who saw a line of people and wanted some attention. The 2 additionally weird things about this was that A.) he waited in line for AN HOUR. He didn’t barge right up and do it. And B.) He didn’t have any other visible scars on his stomach or arms. He wasn’t a “cutter”. After all was said and done, like at the end of that movie 3’ O Clock High, everyone started talking about him in a fantastical way. “I heard him say he was on his way to prison.” “He had a whole POCKET full of razors, he was showing them to me.” “I’ve seen him around here before, I saw him eat a pigeon, I swear.”

Sean (from Zerofriends) helped the rest of the U.P. staff escort him out when the incident happened. As the police and ambulance showed up and dressed Lurch in a Hazmat suit and handcuffs, Sean managed to ask Lurch why he did that. And regardless of what rumors were true or not, he replied simply,
“I wanted to show him something unpredictable.”

For what it’s worth, I am not sharing this with you to glorify it, although, in a time of shock, that’s exactly what I did, out of confusion. I am simply telling what happened as there has already been a lot of speculation. This was a sad incident, and I in no way wish for something like this to happen at any of my future shows, or at any one’s shows. I hope the dude gets the help and the attention that he was looking for. And in reality, behind my “laugh-it-off” defensive shell, this whole thing scared the fuck out of me.

A full update of the amazing show will follow this soon, I just wanted to get this out of the way to clear anything up.

Thanks for listening, and thank you to anyone who helped with the situation and was brave enough to hang around afterward and keep the love in the air.
Word.

Me and Zerofriends are taking over Seattle! (kinda)

So, I've got good news for myself, and bad news for you! The good news is that I am leaving for Seattle tomorrow along with the Zerofriends crew to do something awesome. The BAD news, for YOU, is that i'm gonna probably twitter the fuck out of the trip so you guys will most likely get annoyed like you did last week in Denver;) However, I promise this time i will post less, but be twice as offensive and juvenile. Is that a fair compromise?

Good.







Anyway, yes, I am heading to Seattle.
What am I doing aside from trying to find the haunted basketball court they used in the Smells like Teen Spirit video? Well, I am setting up a little intimate art show, print release & signing on Friday evening at 6:00 pm at The Upper Playground up there.
In addition to that, ZEROFRIENDS will be taking over a section of the U.P. store and selling a bunch of shirts and prints throughout the next month! We have been hesitant to jump into the retail game given the economy and all, but this will be a good test so please please go check out the clothing if you are in Seattle and help support so we can take over stores throughout the country;)

The art show, itself, is going to be a fun little collection of stuff. Because I just got back from my Denver solo show, and this was a little spontaneous opportunity, I will be displaying and selling a number of random pieces of art and prints. I know most of my shows have themes and stuff, think of this one as my favorite Jeopardy category, Potpourri!
We will have both framed and un-framed prints for sale, books, shirts, some never before seen original black and white drawings from some of my clothing and poster designs, as well as a few little paintings for good measure.
And as a special surprise, we are releasing a Seattle-exclusive limited Giclee print of 'THE HANDFUL", like this:






Also, we are gonna party with you Seattle-ites. And Satellites.


So come on by, i think there will be drinks and music. No charge, all ages, all that good stuff. And if you cant make it to the opening, come by the shop to support Zerofriends all through September!

See ya there.
Word.

Here's the info:
ZEROFRIENDS POTPOURRI!
@ Upper Playground in Seattle
4730 University Way NE
Seattle, WA 98105
(206) 985-1000
Friday, August 21 @ 6:00 PM

be there.