Friday, October 29, 2010


Yes, I am very sad that the time has come for Zerofriends to close it's temporary doors in San Francisco, but, as promised, we are going out with a fun little bang. Tomorrow, on Saturday, Oct 30, at 5PM, inside the Zerofriends Store in San Francisco, our amazing friends, longtime collaborators and Cardboard City residents AESOP ROCK & CAGE (alongside the one and only CHAUNCEY as DJ) will be helping close the doors by giving a rare FREE IN-STORE MUSICAL PERFORMANCE! Seriously, this is no joke. As a longtime fan of both of these dudes, this is like an early Christmas gift to be able to host these guys for a small show in our store!


Cage, El-P, Me, Aesop Rock & Allyson (from Dirty Ghosts)


248 FILLMORE ST (At Haight St)
THE ZEROFRIENDS STORE ONLY HAS A MAX CAPACITY OF 50 PEOPLE! BECAUSE OF THAT, THIS PERFORMANCE IS ON A FIRST COME FIRST SERVE BASIS. ONLY THE FIRST 50 PEOPLE ARE GUARANTEED TO COME INSIDE. WE CAN'T PROMISE ANY MORE THAN THAT. DOORS OPEN AT 4:45PM (the ZF Store will be open that morning from noon-3, then closed to prepare for the performance). Both AESOP ROCK & CAGE will be playing short live music sets in celebration of Zerofriends' successful San Francisco takeover for the last 2 months as well as the launch of AESOP ROCK's brand new CULTURE COLLECTIVE WEBSITE 900 BATS!!
Plus, there might be a special "medieval" appearance from myself alongside a certain Creepy Uncle named after something aquatic.
Anyway, it's been a good run, and this FUN, FREE performance from my favorite people will only make it GOODER:)

OH, and DRESS UP if you want to! We are filming it and it will be awesome to see people in costume!!

Check out my favorite videos from these 2 madmen:



See you there!

"The Orange Lantern" Collab Print release from Craola and I

Greg "Craola" Simkins and I love a lot of the same things, but mostly we love Halloween, Jack o' Lanterns, old SuperFriends cartoons, non-existent animals, and telling ridiculous stories by the campfire.
A couple of months ago, while photographing some monsters for reference on an old shipwrecked boat that had washed up somehow 8 miles inland from the shore, Greg and I stumbled upon a small orange ring mixed in with some dried seaweed. When we brushed it off, BOTH of us SAW it glow. We can swear by that. It only happened for a second, but it happened.

Then it stopped.
But that didn't stop our imaginations, immediately we were arguing where it came from, why it was discarded, and what type of powers this orange ring really did have. But what eventually DID happily transpire was a brand new addition to mine and Greg's "Scared Friends" universe that we juggled back and forth and ultimately molded into a brand new monstrous holiday icon. I present to you, just in time for Halloween, from Greg "Craola" Simkins & Myself, "JACKSON O'MALLEY: THE ORANGE LANTERN":

"The Orange Lantern" Is now available as an ultra limited giclee print from Zerofriends, and, as an extra bonus, comes with a FREE additional print that displays the story of Jackson O'Malley as told by Greg & myself (which you can read in full below). Here is all of the info on the brand new Collaborative print!

By Alex Pardee & Greg "Craola" Simkins
Produced By Zerofriends
Ultra Limited Edition of 100
17" x 22" Printed with archival inks on Velvet Cotton Rag Paper
Each Print is hand signed, numbered, and loved by Alex Pardee & Greg Simkins
Also, each print comes packaged with a FREE additional 10" x 8" print displaying the story of The Orange Lantern


Direct Link to purchase the print:

Here is the full story of The Orange Lantern:

"Piles of hay created an elaborate maze with large costumed sentries guarding the entrance of Mrs Cottone’s Pumpkin Patch. They looked like carnival prizes from years past: noses falling off and black button eyes staring blankly. But today they seemed even a bit more menacing. Jackson O’Malley shuttered as he quickened his step past them.
”Ummmff!” Jackson grunted as he fell to the ground tripping over a rather stubborn branch. Or WAS it a branch?

Looking up, Jackson laid his eyes upon what must have been the ugliest, oldest withered scarecrow he had ever seen. Its putrid and sunken head looked like it must have been left over from last year’s crop of pumpkins and a nice family of beetles were having their way with its rotted skin as beetles often do.

On further inspection, something odd stood out to Jaded Jackson. He hadn’t tripped over a branch or a root, but rather a curled up withered claw, and it was grasping at something. In its rigor-mortised grip was an orange ring with some odd symbols on it.

“Well this is my lucky day”, thought Jackson as he broke the ring clear of the grasping claw. “I’ll just add this to my collection of Weird Things From the Pumpkin Patch”. That collection didn’t really exist, however. This was actually the oddest thing he had encountered at Mrs. Cottone’s Pumpkin Patch in all of the years he had been kicking off his Autumn and coming here.

A strange warmth pulsed through the ring as he held it, and as he slipped it over his finger two things happened. The fallen scarecrow’s head abruptly shifted his gaze at the boy and a wicked grin grew across the face of the scarecrow. Then immediately, Jackson bent over vomiting in horrific pain. Pumpkin seeds, alongside the gooey lining of the gourd that fills the sink as it’s carved each October seemed to leap endlessly out of his mouth and nose. Then…all went black.

When he awoke, the pumpkin patch was bathed in darkness. All the guests had seemingly left to return to their T.V. trays and their nightly Wheel of Fortune on the Zenith. Even the scarecrow, which had caused this strange hallucination earlier, was gone. Weirder yet, it appeared as though someone had switched his clothes with the scarecrows. “Perverts”, he thought, “who would take the time to slip my clothes off and put these filthy tights on me. I hope no one took secret photos. I won’t here the end of it”. He said the latter part out of this thought out loud but his voice was labored, as one seed from his earlier puke-fest still remained lodged in his throat. As he swallowed it so as not to give in completely to the desires of his bitter bowels, a little crackling voice whispered inside his ear: “Please…come over here”.


“It wasn’t a question. Come over here NOW!”

As Jackson approached his reflection in the window of an abandoned trailer, led somehow by an inner-ear-navigator, things quickly became clear.

He threw up his hand in pain as a bright glow shot past him! Dodging the blast, the source of his inner driver began throbbing in pain, and as the bad seed he had swallowed just minutes ago grew inside of him, it burst through side of Jackson’s now-pumpkinesque face, fiercely displaying the new tormented duality of …“The Orange Lantern!”

And check out some detailed shots of The Orange Lantern print:


Thursday, October 28, 2010


But, at least we can say that THIS SATURDAY, October 30, around 4 or 5PM, we are doing something EXTRA special for everyone in the neighborhood to thank you for your support. I can't say what we are doing, but it's definitely something that doesn't happen very often, and will be magical. We are announcing what it is tomorrow at midnight so stay tuned:)

It seems like only yesterday I was getting high fives from my new Upper Playground neighbors, up on a ladder with Robert Bowen, painting the sign above the threshold of the Zerofriends San Francisco pop-up store. In reality, yesterday I was dressed as a clueless lazy-eyed delusional filmmaker and wiping pizza grease off in my fake hair while laughing alongside half of San Francisco's lower Haight district.

That one freaky white-haired X-men chick whose eyes fill up with sperm and who makes it rain like a sonofabitch must have secretly been hiding behind me over the last two months because my life has been a WHIRLWIND over these past 60 days. Juggling commercial jobs, personal art, and the Zerofriends store events has been a blast, or a blur, or a blurry blast. But regardless, it's been amazing.

Zerofriends has always been a local brand, and to physically have an actual retail store location to make us FEEL local, in our hometown, was a dream of mine. We could not have even had this fun opportunity were it not for UPPER PLAYGROUND, who has supported Zerofriends astronomically, giving us a HUGE opportunity in New York to introduce our brand to the retail world last year, and continued their support throughout this run in San Francisco. And thank you to the entire Lower Haight neighborhood, its tenants, as well as its crazy people who left the hospital or jail and wandered straight into our store to try to fight us for being weirdos, and Mister Rogers, who all made us feel welcome in their neighborhood.

And some amazing artists came by over the course of those few weeks to hang as well, and some even lended their talents to some store events. Nate Van Dyke, Dave Correia, Robert Bowen, Skinner, Hannah Stouffer, Justin Lovato, Mike Kershnar, Tara McPherson, Aesop Rock, Kevin Hayes, Jon Wayshak, Jeremy Fish, Jon Schnepp, Mars-1, Buffmonster, Matt Richie, Alex Tarrant, Cage, Clay Enos, and so many more. So surreal.
We are gonna miss not having the store open in SF, but hopefully the love and support will continue IN NORTH HOLLY WOOD WHEN WE OPEN OUR NEXT POP-UP SHOP THERE IN MID-NOVEMBER!!! Yep, we are bringing the carnival of friends to LA courtesy of our good friends at CELLA GALLERY and the North Hollywood Arts District! But more on those specifics & location later.

For now, Sean, Darren, and myself simply want to say thank you and goodbye, San Francisco. We will see you again soon, and we love you.


We laughed, we cried, but most importantly, we did not hurt anyone.
Well, after 8 weeks, 8 movies, and 8 million laughs, last night marked the last SF Movie Knights event, capping it off with the greatest horror movie ever, and I might go on to label it simply the greatest MOVIE ever, Tommy Wiseau's masterpiece of American cinema, "THE ROOM".

Thank you not only to everyone who came out last night for the final event, but to everyone who supported the Knights during the last 2 months. Without you guys, we would still be watching movies and laughing alone. Every dollar that was spent on the prints & tickets helped pay for all of the chairs, the pizzas, the pinatas, the prizes, and the Meteor Juice. And we hope to continue the Movie Knights tradition when we open our new Zerofriends Pop-up retail store in North Hollywood in 3 weeks!!! yes!

Oh, however, we are doing a couple small fun things this weekend at the store as it will be our last weekend open, but I will announce those later today:)
Until then, check out some of the amazing photos from last night's final shindig.

The final night kicked off SWEET, literally, thanks to Alicia the hipster dinosaur!

"Ohai, Alicia!""Hey Tommy, I have to go now."

And the hottest 11-year old girl ever showed up to Kick Ass*.
*The 11-year old reference is a joke, jerk.

Ohai, Frank, hai Hit Girl, I have something to do, I have to go now.

Ohai, guys. Why are you all dressed up like my friends Sean, Brian & Brandon? I have to go now, byyyeee.

Speaking of Zerofriends' own Brian Kennedy….Ohai, greatest tattoo on the planet, your tattoo is a lot like my movie The Room, they are both great, and they both deal with so much real life situationals. Like love, and betrayal, and naked chests.

Ohai Kiersten, I'm your favorite customer. Byyeeee.

"Ohai, doggie", says Robert Bowen to doggie.

Ohhai, Lisa. You look beautiful in your makeups.

Ohai, Giant! So anyway, Nate Van Dyke, how's your sex life?

Footballs, the american sport of Americans, was played even in the smallest of rooms.

Ohai, Lisa, you already ordered a pizza, you think of everything!

Ohai, Sean. Yes, you definitely have cheese-cancer. But don't worry about it. I have to go now.

Ohai SPOONS! You would look great in a frames...

But you would look even better THROWN!

Ohai, everyone, I would like to discuss with you my movie, the greatest movie ever made on film and digitals.

(I'm taking this one SO hard for the team it's not even funny. You're welcome, people who already make fun of me.)

Ohai Gary's friends. After the movie is over, I'm giving out portraits of myself and DennyDennyDenny boy that you can remove some of your framed spoons and replace with pictures of me, the greatest great person who has ever lived without getting a promotion.

(Tommy & his essentials…)

Denny & some kind of money. But WHAT KIND OF MONEY DENNY!???

Ohai, Robert, Ohai Sage, Ohai lazy-eyed psycho.

After my movies, I drew pictures so that everyone could enjoy without hurting ANYONE.

Ohhai! Magically, my long-time eye fixed itself!


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

"HATCHET 2" Print from Adam Green & I NOW ON SALE!

It's no mystery that the entire horror genre has shaped my creative life ever since I watched Romero's Creepshow and then dressed up as a severed head on a plate for Halloween in 3rd grade. It's also no mystery that, more specifically, INDEPENDENT horror movies have been amongst my greatest loves during these formidable years. Evil Dead, Dead Alive, Bad Taste, Night Of The Living Dead, Re-animator, Henry, Basket Case, Cemetery Man, and, more recently….Adam Green's HATCHET & HATCHET 2.
And simultaneously, it's no secret that Hatchet director Adam Green is a huge supporter and fan of underground art.
So I guess the horror gods who control the gory planets and stars helped guide Adam & I towards each other in a dark alley where we could each shape-shift into our favorite monsters, battle to the death, declare it a draw, high five, and decide to collaborate instead of fight!

And I am more than glad that we did, because I am extremely proud of the disgustingly cool visual Louisiana gumbo that we brewed up for your eyeballs.
Adam Green & I met recently at a Weekend Of Horrors event in LA and shortly after, we started crossing paths more frequently and after realizing that both of our "origin story-arcs" were very similar (our careers were both forged from years of passionate DIY experiences with our art forms), it was a natural progression to collaborate when the time was right. And that time….is right…NOW.

In honor of Adam Green's recent amazing feat of releasing HATCHET 2, a truly independent horror movie completely uncut and unrated in mainstream theaters this past October (something that no other movie has done in over 20 years!), he and I teamed up to create an ultra limited HATCHET 2 Art Print that is available now exclusively through ZEROFRIENDS, who also produced the print.
This art print ALSO marks the FIRST little project that Adam Green & I collaborated on, but NOT NEARLY the last. He and I have just officially started working on a REALLY REALLY COOL ART PROJECT that has never been done before that we are both ecstatic about. But more on that later. For now, enjoy the colorful madness that we created to honor one of the coolest events in recent independent horror history:) Oh, and getting to draw Victor Crowley's scarred visage and Danielle Harris' perfect one wasn't so bad either! Here are all of the details for the HATCHET 2 art print, which is AVAILABLE NOW, exclusively online at ZEROFRIENDS.

"HATCHET 2" Limited Edition Giclee Print
By Alex Pardee
17" x 22"
Printed with archival inks on Velvet Cotton Rag paper.
Ultra Limited edition of 100
Each poster is signed, numbered, and bled upon by artist Alex Pardee and HATCHET 2 Director Adam Green
$50.00 Each.


Direct link to purchase the Hatchet 2 Print:

Click HERE to view a high-rez detailed view of the print!(please note this image is watermarked and the watermark does not appear on the actual print)

Adam slaving away signing while I stand there with a camera and a whip.

Some details of the print, which I can honestly say is the most detailed print i have ever produced to date!

Thank you all for your continued support, and if you missed it in the theaters, please keep your eyes peeled for HATCHET 2 on DVD & BluRay sometime soon!

Love, Alex & Adam


Tuesday, October 26, 2010


This past Sunday, the Zerofriends SF store continued to get blessed with the presence of some of the Bay's dopest artists, as Mike Kershnar spent his day off at the store, hung up a couple of my prints, and rocked their socks off with his nomadic skills. I rolled in from LA that afternoon and though I barely made it, I was able to show up at the last minute and help deface some of his awesomeness:) Check it:

Mike and I getting paint all over the ZF walls, because, hey, we are closing in a couple days! Let's DESTROYYYYYYYY (a little.)

Mike set up a few of his rock posters and prints, including a gorgeous collab with MIKE GIANT, all of which are still available at the store right now.

Rocking the KRANG-pen! This was Mike's actual KRANG Ninja Turtle toy that he has had since he was a kid. However, after staring at Krang and discussing his origin, Mike & I decided that he is not a brain at all, but rather a ball-sack. Sorry kids, it's true.

Mike's finished print-collab! OWL-LEX!

I got to deface my own print a little bit too…