If you are even a little bit close to me, or have followed me on my TWITTER PAGE in the last year, it's no secret that I rarely shower, but am simultaneously OBSESSED with hand sanitizer. I seriously have even considered eating it in place of brushing my teeth, and the only reason I haven't, is because I am still a little mesmerized by the stuff. I mean, I have paint and grime on my hands consistently and one of the reasons I love hand sanitizer so much is that it is obviously made from magical Wizard-Sweat because it LITERALLY MAKES DIRT DISAPPEAR. I have no idea how. It doesn't just push dirt around, it evaporates it like an awesome laser gun, and it does this all while smelling great and feeling refreshing!
For 2 years, from 2005-2007 I had even made a make-shift Purell Dispenser/Harness out of duct tape and excitement that was a permanent fixture in my car until I used it so much it practically disintegrated itself. There is still duct tape residue on my glove box. Anyway, yah, I love that shit. And I'm constantly referencing it or making awesome sanitizer jokes and photoshop pics, like this one, depicting a variation that I wish existed so that I did not have to wash my HAM every time I eat it:
Anyway, because of this publicized love for hand sanitizer, and because STEPHEN REEDY has been directing the shit out of some rad short films and commercials for Zerofriends, we (Stephen, Me & Zerofriends) have been getting asked numerous times to take a job pitching a new marketing direction for Purell. And although I assumed it meant I could get enough free Purell to finally substitute showering forever by sleeping in a waterbed filled with Purell and finally destroy my syphilis, we have passed on every occasion because, passion aside, I'm not too sure if Purell fits my brand. That is, until today, when NASA ANNOUNCED THAT SOME BACTERIA CAN SURVIVE IN SPACE OFF OF ARSENIC AND STUFF! That seemed like a perfect segue into our new relationship with my favorite beverage, Purell! Because of our connections with the #1 magical Bacteria killers, we got word a little early from Purell & NASA about this discovery and we got to workkkkkkkkk, and the new campaign was launched a mere 7 HOURS after NASA announced that life as we know it is now changed! So here you go, Purell, I give you your new marketing campaign, courtesy of Stephen Reedy, Myself & Zerofriends. Now write us our check or I'll infect you with something that I guarantee you can't cure.
