Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Sleeping is overrated

Sometimes I paint in public, often times poorly because i crack under pressure. And sometimes, my friend Z-man from Gurp City raps, often times incredibly, because he is awesome. Every once in a while, because of brand new technology called Final Cut Pro, we can perform TOGETHER. And i painted so fast this time, I managed to finish before his song was done, AND i changed my clothes in the middle of that shit.

Here is me painting at the OWLEX show @ Upper PLayground PDX in Portland, OR.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

OWLEX in Port-o-potty Land

It's about that time again.
Yes, in addition to it being time for me to switch to Sanka (if they still even make that), its art show time.
Tomorrow, December 6th, at 6pm, I will be debuting 30 new art pieces at Upper Playground in Portland, OR.
What is so special about these 30 pieces, other than they are some of the most expensive pieces of toilet paper you can buy?
Well, I have had months to get ready for this show. However, because of my workload, i ended up not having ANY time to get any paintings done. So i decided to use that to my advantage, and try to be all science-experimenty, and I made a decision that would almost cost me my life, and most certainly my health.
I decided that for the entire month of November, I would work on my commercial work stuff during the day, and then at night, when i am supposed to be sleeping, i will instead stay up and paint and draw for the UP show. That way, i'll see how i perform under pressure and natural hallucinegins.
It went ok for a while, but after a couple of weeks, i wasn't doing very well. I was nauseated, shaky, my heart felt like it was shivering and screaming at me like some horrible American Idol audition. My thighs burned and my hands felt frozen. I didn't NOT sleep, i think that would be impossible, or at least it would mean I'm feeling guilty from a hit n run (see The Machinist). But i limited myself to about 2-3 hours at the most per night.
I thought it might make my work shittier, but in fact, the experiment seemed to work pretty well, because for the first time almost ever, i am pretty happy with what i produced. And the lack of sleep just made me not care if i was painting something shitty. I simply found myself almost sleepwalking through paintings, snapping awake to find out that I painted a pair of square-shaped bank robbers riding on the hood of a tentacle-faced eskimo. Ok, I can deal with that.
So yah, thats how it went. And, with the help of Adam Peterson, I was able to realize my new favorite made-up-in-the-third-trimester-of-my-sleep-deprivation character, Owlex, in tres dimesiones, just in time for the show. In case you are wondering who the Owlex character is, its my superhero alter-ego, who is a skinny, savage half-naked superhero who wears a homemade owl mask and protects animals from the rough and grimy streets of NY. And he can do magic. yahhhhhh.
Anyway, if you are in or around Portland, OR, come down to Upper Playground and check it out.
Oh, and i painted some stuff on the walls, too.
Happy Hannukah and Early Christmas, yo.
I love you.

ANd here is me painting one of the pieces while CocoRosie sings to you about werewolves and her schizofranic father.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Chocolate Rain X Upper Playground

Check out this great moment in photo-op history.
The YouTube Execs (Product Marketing Manager Jeben Berg, Chief Information Architect Paul, and YOUTUBE founder Chad Hurley with TAY ZONDAY, aka MR CHOCOLATE RAIN, the tiny crooning phenomenon!! And to make things even better, Jeben Berg is sporting the "False Hope" Upper PLayground Shirt I designed!
Word, nerds!

And just in case you dont understand how importantly awesome this moment truly is...

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

7 days later

For my first trip out of the U.S., I present to you...Barcelona in a nutshell.
I'm retardedly tired.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Monday, September 17, 2007

Fingering San Jose

Continuing the 3-man-Voltron, Saber, Dave Choe and I hit up Workman's in the Eastridge Mall in San Jose as part of the Upper Playground / Sparks Ignite What's Next Tour. We only had an hour to paint and mall security was in full mounty gear and segways, but we pulled it off and had time to hang out with everyone who came by to say whattup. So thanks to everyone who helped out and came by and supported.
I wish i could be on the whole tour, but because so much shit and work is going on with me i couldnt make it, but hopefully i will be out there with them again soon.
Dave and Saber are killin it with guest artists like Retna and N8 Van Dyke. Go find them in your city.

Dave Choe bending over to vomit because he is pregnant.




Painting The Krate

As part of the Upper Playground / Spark's "Ignite What's Next Tour", I joined forces with my good friends Dave Choe and Saber like a version of Voltron that is so bad ass that we dont need FIVE cat-robots to make a giant unstoppable force, we only need us 3. Unfortunately, i'm the messy one. The one that needs artistic supervison, and the one who is still scared to talk to a lot of people. But I was in good hands in Santa Cruz, murder capital of the world (according to The Lost Boys), thanks to Dave, Saber, and the crew in charge of The Krate.
Go check it out if you are ever there visiting the place where Keifer Sutherland uttered my favorite line in movie history, "Maggots, Michael. You are eating maggots."

My neck was feeling unusually unruly that day and decided to expand its mass as I began painting:

Saber and I becoming one with the mess:

One of my favorite pictures of Dave ever. Photo by Jon Dragonette:

My finished piece:

Dave Choe's finished addition:

SABER's insane city scape where i wish i lived:

I decided that the door at the neighboring toy store needed a no-armed-bunk-dark-crystal-knock-off-thing-with-a-riding-friend" since it seemed to be lacking one.

And the photo that sums up everything pretty well (photo by CW Mihlberger):

My captor, the Bug.

A few people actually get mad at me and think i'm joking when i tell them that I am not in control of what i draw or create. They think i just dont want to spend my time talking to them. A few years ago, they would be right, but now...its all good, i like to talk. Im not very good at it, but if i have something to talk to you about, i love it. Unfortunately, I can never talk about what I paint or draw because I simply have nothing to do with it. I'm serious. And here is why...
A few years ago, I was suffering from artist block, and i just sat in a tub of tears, sobbing as usual. And she came. A perfectly ladybug-sized ladybug landed on my wrist, and bit me.
But the bite didnt hurt me, or make me sick. It made me LOVE her, and obey her every command. Fortunately, she always had a passion to draw random, weird-shape-headed people and extra appendages, but due to her insect limitations, she never could. So she uses me. And uses, and uses, and i'm trying my hardest to get better, but i dont understand what im doing and her tastes are changing and if i fail to please her....I dont know what will happen.
So yah, none of this is my fault.
I promise.

Water Taco

I thought about photoshopping the stain to make it even bigger, but...its already pretty rad.


Get on it.


The Scorpion King

I've been addicted to Survivorman, which is a THOUSAND times better than that Bear hack from Man Vs. Wild, who got called out by his crew for being too dramatic and ridiculous.
I would try to write something witty and disrespectful about Man Vs Wild, but the guys over at Something Awful already did it HERE.

But for some reason, i can't help starving myself and hunting for grubs. It builds character.

Atlanta Skate Park Charity Auction

Jermaine Dupri, Ludacris, T.I., Outkast, Young Jeezy, Bonecrusher, and Cee-lo are all getting together to have a huge art auction to build a skate park in Atlanta! Oh, wait, my mistake, no they aren't, it turns out that there are COOLER people in Atlanta that care more about skateboarding and kids than ANY of the hip hop giants.
Zak Cochran and the Kennesaw Crew have been raising funds to build a skatepark in Atlanta. There will be an auction for a ton of skate decks painted by a hojillion rad artists including David Carson, Faile, Tim Biskup, Shepard Fairey, Don Pendleton, Sam Flores, Guy Burwell, Sage Vaughn, Duncan Jago, Mike Giant, Johnny Mojo, Emek, BAST and more.
Here is my contribution to the auction.
Im not sure when and where it will be, but i'll let you know when i find out.
for more info, go HERE


In Progress:

El Finishio:

Mean Street Cover Illustration

I was asked to illustrate the guys from THE USED for the cover of MEAN STREET magazine, a free mag distributed all thoughout LA. It should be out now, so grab a couple if you see em. I guess this is the first time they have run an illustration on the cover, which is pretty dope. Unless this is their first issue, then that argument would be pointless.


Union Massacre

I did some live painting on stage as part of a UM art/music festival at the famous Phoenix Theater in Petaluma, CA. I was on stage alongside One in the Chamber, Steel Trap, Real Talk, Sorrow, Jeb, and the one and only Hugely-average TOP-R.
Zerofriends was in full effect and a ton of people came out to support the charity event. It was to raise money for Petaluma to build a legal art wall behind the Phoenix. Hopefully we'll get to do it again. And hopefully i wont paint something that takes me too long to finish and end up breaking the piece in half as a performance art. And i may or may not wear a scarf next time. It got mixed reactions....FROM GOD!


The Mysterious Hispanic Collapse

Sure, living 3 blocks from the Latino ghetto has its disadvantages. No white man can grow a mustache for fear of being ridiculed by REAL hombres and their huge bushy nose trophies; we have to completely dismantle our own cars every night to show respect, and to save our ipods; and we have to adapt to a new way of talking when we ride bikes to the store with girls, a speech that involves mainly whistles and howls and sweat.
But it has its advantages, too, like the occasional stabbing victim that crawls into your backyard and collapses, prompting you to call 911 because a strange teenage man may have just died in front of your eyes. And for this...we celebrate!
A few nights ago, as we were all sitting around watching Darren pretend to get high score on Geometry Wars, we noticed some movement in our backyard.
Sure enough, along the outside of our back fence a young man was crawling slowly, and clutching his stomach, and he collapsed. There was no response when we asked him what was wrong. He got up again, struggled, clutched his stomach, and collapsed face first into the concrete. we couldnt see his chest or stomach, and thought maybe he was stabbed or shot (which wasnt without merit considering he could have easily escaped the clutches of the ghetto only a short 3 blocks away), so we called 911.
After 10 minutes of the cops arguing over whos going to turn him over, the paramedics showed up and got him to come to. No blood, no stabbing. Turns out he was a 16 year old kid with a full mustache who got fed a ton of tequila and pills, and after a few more minutes of the paramedics arguing over whos going to lift him up, he vomited in his sleep for what seemed to be years, creating an ant hill of puke, and prompting the cops to say things like "Look, he had menudo for lunch", or the famous "Looks like you wont be kissing no women tonight!" Clever.

6 hours later, at 8am, I awoke to the pile of vomit almost completely gone, and a flock of crows that looked like they had full stomachs and smiles on their black, beautiful beaks.

I moved!

No, i wasnt in a coma for months and finally showed some movement in my pinky.
I literally moved houses, like a hermit crab. Only my shell got smaller, but my location got better, my friends got closer, and my happiness got...happier?
And yes, i live only 3 blocks from a 1-mile square radius of illegal activity and one of the shadiest 7-11's in America, but still, the location is a hundred times better than next to a wal-mart with a constant smell of feces in the air, which is where i moved from. Not that im home all that much anyway, but these things matter.



Sunday, September 16, 2007

Last Minute Edition Part 2

The Santa Cruz Event went great. We came, we saw, we pet a transvestite clown, we conquered (even though i stuck to my gus and mostly failed). Thanks to everyone at the Krate. I'll put pics up soon.
I will be doing one more live painting event with Saber and Dave Choe TODAY, SUNDAY SEPT 16th. @ 3pm in San Jose:
In the Eastridge Mall
2200 Eastridge loop
San Jose, CA
Come hang, should be pretty chill.

Monday, September 10, 2007


Yah...last minute addition. Get on it!!!
Come say hi and watch 2 other people paint way better than me!!


So, here is the article that was slated to run in the NY Times this morning. Instead, it got submitted for immediate release to all of the correct media outlets online, so to make sure you are informed, here is the official announcement of what I have been up to, and what is going to happen in the near future of the little character that could...CHADAM.


Here is a snippet of the official press release that JUST got sent out, with a little more info:


BURBANK, Calif. (September 10, 2007) – Studio 2.0, the original programming, digital production arm of the Warner Bros. Television Group (WBTVG), has begun production on 23 new short form series projects for broadband and wireless, with additional programming in active development. The new projects – from Jim Henson Productions, Telepictures Productions, Warner Bros. Animation and film & television director/producer McG, as well as fast-rising comedians Joey & David, videogame/film/television producer Jason Hall and cutting-edge artist Alex Pardee, among others – reflect WBTVG’s creative strategy for Studio 2.0, to showcase new artistic voices, provide creative opportunities for established talent in the broadband/wireless space and serve as an incubator for new television series.

“Chadam”: Cutting-edge artist Alex Pardee and producer Jason Hall of HDFILMS Inc. are teaming up on a 3D animation project based upon Pardee’s character of the same name. Initially introduced as a character icon for the popular rock band The Used, Chadam has become an Internet phenomenon. Chadam lives as the “chosen one” in the hyper-stylized and exaggerated metropolitan island city of Vulture. His power of imagination is strong enough to physically change his environment and, therefore, his world … to save it from evil. The series will find Chadam in a place of refuge, where he and others have retreated to plan their attack against the serial killer known as Viceroy. An action-horror-adventure story filled with self-discovery, “Chadam” will come to full 3D animated life via the magic of the Unreal Engine 3, the leading technology and development framework that powers cutting-edge games such as “Gears of War” and “BioShock” on today’s popular platforms, including PC, Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. The Internet series will serve as an incubator for future expansion of the “Chadam” universe, from additional online episodes to television, film, videogames and more. (Science Fiction)

So, yah, exciting, huh?
I know I AM. This is something that’s been tough to get rolling, but we got it.
If you are curious about some of the other projects that WARNER BROS, and STUDIO 2.0 are doing, you can read the entire press release by downloading it HERE.

I’ll follow this up in a few hours. Just wanted to share it with you first because ALL of the Chadam fans are basically what made this possible. And I cant thank you enough!

Friday, July 27, 2007

Geek Love & Arturism

My father was a librarian, so naturally i was surrounded by millions of books growing up. Bookshelves upon bookshelves of books that my father swears he had read each one of them, but as a child, there was no way i thought that was humanly possible because there would be no time for Nintendo if that were the case. Duh. Amongst the hojillions of DelRay and Penguin logos on the spines of hundreds of books, i ALWAYS noticed a bright flourescent orange book that simply said "GEEK LOVE" in what looked like a computer-style font. That title contained 2 words that i HATED when i was younger. Why would i even look at it? Horrible title for a child to want to read. So i never even took it out of the shelf. Years later, i DID. accidentally. But i did, nonetheless. And when i read the back, and it said it was about a family of carnies who are trying to breed their own brand of freaks and start a religion where people are encouraged to chop off their own limbs, it was like finding a drop of toilet water amongst the arabian desert after crawling so much my chest had scraped off in the sand. I couldnt believe i skipped over that book for so many years. Perhaps my childhood would have been completely changed if i stumbled upon that book when i was 10. Oh well. So I read the book Geek Love for the first time back in 2002, immediately after discovering it, on a 13 hour train ride to see my girlfriend. It's the only book i have ever read all the way through in one sitting, and so i felt it was worthy of honoring in this art show:

LITERARTISTRY:Works of Art Inspired by the Favorite Books of Contemporary Artists

Corey Helford Gallery is pleased to present Literartistry, a group show featuring works of art inspired by the written word. As
Michelangelo was inspired by Dante’s The Divine Comedy and John Everett Millais by Ophelia in Shakespeare’s Hamlet, each
artist in Literartistry will base their piece on a book that has inspired or affected them in a meaningful way. Upstairs, the Gallery’s
loft space will be transformed into a classic library stocked with titles featured in the show. Guests will have the opportunity
to check out the artists’ favorite books for their reading enjoyment – just as they would at a traditional library. The opening
reception for Literartistry will take place on Saturday, August 11 from 7 to 10pm and is open to the public. The exhibition will
remain on view until September 5, 2007.

Corey Helford Gallery
8522 Washington Boulevard
Culver City, CA 90232
Open Tuesday - Saturday, Noon to 6:00pm


The artists participating are:
Jason Shawn Alexander
Erik Alos
Chris Anthony
Chris Conn Askew
Anthony Ausgang
Lauren Bergman
Andrew Brandou
Dave Burke
Paul Chatem
Greg Clarke
Amy Crehore
Camilla d’Ericco
Jason Dugan
Korin Faught
Sarah Folkman
Melissa Forman
Andrew Foster
Lauren Gardiner
Andrew Hem
Michael Hussar
Stella Im Hultberg
Mari Inukai
Wednesday Kirwan
Joe Ledbetter
Tiffany Liu
Kevin Llewellyn
Jeff McMillan
Lisa Moneypenny Murray
Tom Neely
Joe O’Neill
Alex Pardee
Kevin Peterson
Joshua Petker
Carlos Ramos
Sergio Rebia
Joey Remmers
Lesley Reppeteaux
Isabel Samaras
Mijn Schatje
Nathan Spoor
Bob Staake
Gin Stevens
David Stoupakis
Cassandra Szekely
Heidi Taillefer
The Pizz
Sage Vaughn
Amanda Visell
David VonDerLinn
Jasmine Worth

Check it out if you are in LA!!

Saturday, July 21, 2007


Back in 1987, when Budd Dwyer was placing his gun into an envelope and sneaking it into his press conference, when the Unabomber struck Salt Lake City and pissed off Karl Malone, and Los Lobos pretended to be Lou Diamond Phillips who pretended to be Richie Valens who ruled the airwaves and the silver screen with La Bamba, Kansas City Royals Outfielder Danny Tartabull blazed his way to the top by being a first time DONRUSS DIAMOND KING! How on Earth did a CUBAN not only become one of the ever so coveted DONRUSS KINGS and have his stunning portrait beautifully rendered by a third-rate homeless painter and slapped on a rare card inside a pack of gum-dusted semi-glossy rectangles, but also have a cameo as himself in an episode of SEINFELD, you ask?! I mean, this was BEFORE Sammy Sosa and the rest of the crazily-strong Cubans made it ok for us to accept foreigners in America's Pastime, right? Well, i have no idea. I dont even know who he is. Yet somehow, this bunk Jose Canseco and I have had an ongoing relationship for the past 3 years. And the entire time, i thought he was on MY side....
I was wrong...
Here's the whole story. In mid 2004, I was frantically searching numerous thrift stores in LA for cheap phones to smash and use in an art installation. Amongst the many failed attempts, I stumbled on something that instantly brought me back to my childhood. Under a phone i ended up not buying, i saw him lying there, lonely, yet grinning. A perfect expression painted on his face. It was a Donruss Diamond King Danny Tartabull card from 1987. In perfect condition. Now, i think i only collected baseball cards from 1987 to 1989, in which case, at age 13, i realized that BUYING pictures of DUDES in action poses probably isnt the coolest way to get girls' attention. However, during those 2 years, i think i DID manage to collect every possible card that existed. I had about a thousand Kirby Pucketts, and I loved getting Jim Abbot cards because i loved the fact that he was not only a one-handed freak, but he was BADASS enough to be a one-handed PITCHER in MLB. So of course, i had all of the cherished Donruss King cards. Including, though i don't remember him, DANNY TARTABULL.
At that point of seeing that illustrated Cuban staring back up at me from a thrift store shelf, begging me to relive my junior high days and put him in a hard plastic case so his natural enemy, dust, cant even harm his perfect visage. I obliged, but there was no way i was going to pay for him. The thought alone made me sick to my stomach. Why should i BUY something i already had? and more than that, why were they SELLING him? i cant imagine the scenario where someone would stumble across Danny and freak the fuck out because they now are ONE KING closer to completing their Donruss collection. There was also no way in god damn hell that i was going to ask how much he cost, because whatever it was...it would be too much. So I made a deal with Danny. If i escaped scott-free from that thrift store with him in my pocket, Danny would be my guardian angel from there on out. So, like Pierce Brosnan in the Thomas Crown Affair, I kidnapped him and placed him in a better home...my wallet.
I have kept Danny in my wallet since that day, practically BRAGGING to anyone who notices him that he PROTECTS me, and will until the day i die. I was happy that i had a painted Cuban angel in my pocket. It was my security blanket. I was invincble. I don't know when my invincibility stopped, but i just had some time to reflect on the past today and i realized something. Though i have not died, in the past 3 years since Danny and I reunited, i have been threatened to be sued by a major corporation, i have been rear-ended twice, i rear-ended a pregnant woman, got a handful of speeding tickets whole driving across country twice, had a girfriend cheat on me with a good friend, had a horrible detox from prescription drugs that i had been taking for 15 years, got surgury on my nasal passsages, lost a handful of teeth, gained 30 pounds, and lost a turtle to respiration difficulties, among other things.
These obstacles may be normal hinderances of a regular life, but i can't blame myself for any of my wrongdoings, because clearly none of them are my fault. So now, in retrospect, i blame KC ROYALS OUTFIELDER, CUBAN ASSHOLE, SON OF JOSE TARTABULL, GYPSY CURSE-SPREADING GOAT DANNY TARTABULL.
So, for the first time in 3 and a half years, Danny has been exorsised from my wallet and i am ready to start a new, DANNY-FREE life.
And for the first time in a while, i feel....CLENSED.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Escaped Convict(ion)

We at ZeroFriends have a lot in common with the Doozers from Fraggle Rock. Not only are we all pudgy, green, and ant-like, we are all dedicated to hard work and industry. With that being said, the other guys over at ZeroFriends are pumping out high quality, limited edition prints of some of my recent pieces. There are a good selection to choose from, and they just added a brand new print that is one of my favorites, because it mashes together my older, more visceral and horrific art with some of my newer, bolder and brighter organic stuff.
Each Giclee print is printed with archival ink on velvet fine art paper, and is hand signed and numbered by me. Each print is a limited edition of 200. And as an extra bonus, i have mixed tears into the inks so each one has a bit of my personal sadness.
"When a Doozer stops doing, he becomes a Fraggle..." We will never become Fraggles.